I feel so honoured, blessed, and touched that you and Lin chose to share your journey with all of us. It meant more to me than I could possibly put into words. The deep love you felt for each other made this world a much better place, and will continue to do so even though Lin has passed away.
Dear Derek, I am so grateful for your and Lin's willingness to share your journey. It really does remind me that we are all innocent souls, we are all connected.
I also know that you are not one to avoid the moment, no matter what the content of that moment. I honour your capacity and courage that supports you in whatever life holds for you. I know this courage and trust will see you through all that lies ahead.
I also know that sharing the most personal of life's journeys with someone you love is both a great gift and a great challenge. I only hope I will find the courage and willingness to face life and death directly when my time comes and that with good grace my partner will be there beside me, or me beside him, however it plays out. I send you so much love and wish you peace in knowing you did all any human being can do to demonstrate the willingness to love unconditionally and to be present with it's many forms.
with love,
Dear Derek, please know that I feel much sadness at your losing Lin. I'm also relieved knowing how strong and wise you are, knowing that those parts of you will keep helping you through the most difficult moments. This last September, I lost to cancer my vibrant and dynamic 68 year old mother; I certainly haven't risen above it all as I still cry out about unfairness and confusion. I trust that your very own profound wisdom will carry you through better than my "thin in places “wisdom has, and that you will keep enlightening others despite your own need for understanding and acceptance of Lin's illness and passing. Thank you to you and Lin for sharing. With the first morning birds now singing, reminding me of the now, I send you my wishes for much peace.
Journal Entry Nine - June 19, 2007 by Derek
I want to acknowledge all my friends, old and new, who have written words of comfort and told me how the journal entries help their understanding of Lin’s passing. Even strangers have written, “how wonderful is true human love and to experience that is the very reason we are on the earth. I thank you for your sharing of that love and intimacy of which I had almost lost hope that it truly existed. Please know that yours and Lin's experience is, for me, the pinnacle of human achievement and I am indebted to you for sharing that.”
After receiving your precious letters, any lingering doubt in my mind about continuing this journal has vanished. I hold you all in a special place in my heart.
Many friends on calling or seeing me ask the inevitable and generally awkward question, “how are you doing?” In the past I always tried to answer that question truthfully, sometimes to the shock of the person asking. Now I am utterly dumbfounded, as this is truly a moment-to-moment experience. Everyday I have laughed, every day I have felt lonely, every day I have been comforted, every day I am angry, and every day I am at peace.
This home where I live, where I shop, my friends, my family, the streets I walk down all remain. Yet everything I held dear, cherished, hoped and dreamed for, the knowing, seems either gone or so far away that I cannot always feel it. I am finding comfort once again in music; when I close my eyes and listen there is a gentleness to my shifting emotions as particular songs flow past my ears and reach down into my soul.
I looked up at the tallest building
Felt it falling down
I could feel my balance shifting
Everything was moving around
These streets so fixed and solid
A shimmering haze
And everything that I relied on disappeared
All the strangers look like family
All the family looks so strange
The only constant I am sure of
Is this accelerating rate of change
Downside up, upside down
Take my weight from the ground
Falling deep in the sky
Slipping in the unknown
-Peter Gabriel
Thanks again to my two guardian angels, a lot of the physical changes, paperwork and phone calls are coming to and end.
I now feel more prepared to walk another step in the most challenging pilgrimage I have ever done.
This will be the last entry for at least a month, for on June 22nd I leave for Europe. I will have a Eurail pass in my pocket and no schedule. I feel a need to be in other cultures, listening to different languages in unfamiliar places. On my return, my wish is that some if not all of my world will be right side up again.
Peace to you.