Hi Derek
Its good to "read" you...
I’m glad to see you are keeping up with the journal... i'm sure its difficult at times. We had a long walk along the marsh land trails hunting for ripe salmon berries and stumbled upon 2 peace poles..( a -ha, i thought... we are on the right path!! lol ). That was followed by an amazing seafood feast, a Nisga’a tradition called a settlement feast, here at our home on the balcony in the sun and under a sky that was as blue as linda's eyes.
It was a quiet bittersweet day but one that we did as a family and it was good for all of us.
I think you are right.. love is the glue that holds us all together, its the web that we are all connected to.
We toasted Linda and we toasted you...
Linda was a catalyst for such Major, Positive Changes in my life. Compassion and Understanding like I'd never felt before, she personified Unconditional Love in my opinion, the only person of her kind I've met in my life. I know you understand.
I'm sure you'll be able to avoid excess alcohol intake (re: journal entry) I went that route and it isn't helping at all....it's done nothing but scratch up my sobriety record. I believe I understand a lot of what you are feeling Derek. Please hold strong to your positive beliefs
I didn't know Lin was sick until now. She touched my life, healed me and taught me with her gentle kindness, patience, wisdom and that lovely soft sweet voice! I will never forget her. God must have needed another angel in heaven.
Journal Entry Six - May 4, 2007 by Derek
Thank you all. I have tried writing replies to your many kind emails and beautiful cards, but for the moment this journal entry is all I am able to finish.
Lin rarely moves from the bed now as her body gets weaker by the day. Thanks to unconditional support from Carolyn and Lani, I am able to stay by her side. Every day as we hold each other Lin and I prepare for her journey into the light. There are many parts to a journey, and we stop to reflect or pay attention to things that are important along the way. Lin and I need to stop and feel our anger at the unfairness of it all, and to grieve for the loss of the physical experience. But in our sadness we are able to rejoice in our knowledge of the afterlife. The struggle and emotional pain that we feel is always about our attachments. As in life so in death.
We are so grateful that there are drugs to keep the pain at a bearable level. Right now I am giving Lin an injection every two hours. Thank goodness many years ago I learned a technique from the 3HO yoga group of how to be alert for fifteen minutes every two hours of the evening.
I continue to find it a challenge to describe the moments and feelings of this miraculous journey. The easiest way is for me to share with you two small stories from our precious time together:
Yesterday as I was giving her an injection I looked down at her smiling up at me beatifically. I stammered, “Oh Lin, I think I am falling in love with you.” She mustered a reply, “Well you better hurry then!”
The other night Lin was worried, and asked me how I was holding up with our two-hour injection routine. I told her I had made a commitment some time ago to join in her journey every step of the way until she was ready to let go. I said, “I want to feel your pain, your joy, your fear, your attachment and your love, every single minute of it.” There was a moment of silence as she gazed at me. Then she said, “Oh Derek, it is true I can feel you experiencing all of me right now.” She cried a gentle tear...and it fell directly onto my eyeball. At that very moment, I also cried and the two tears came together, embraced and rolled softly down my cheek.
This is Lin, this is my wife, and this is our life. I am truly blessed. Derek.