You, to me, are the epitomy of kindness. No one will ever know why sickness happens to the most unlikely as it did to your soul mate Lin-but I do know that her years were prolonged and enriched with the love you shared. It makes loosing someone even harder when the love runs so deep. One step at a time Derek, our beloved peacewalker. That is what you do for others and now we are wanting that peace for you. It will take time. Your journey has been amazing and Lin will always be a huge part of it. This trip will start the healing. This time is for you. Sending you love and prayers for your journey.
I feel so honoured, blessed, and touched that you and Lin chose to share your journey with all of us. It meant more to me than I could possibly put into words. The deep love you felt for each other made this world a much better place, and will continue to do so even though Lin has passed away.
Dear Derek, I am so grateful for your and Lin's willingness to share your journey. It really does remind me that we are all innocent souls, we are all connected.
I also know that you are not one to avoid the moment, no matter what the content of that moment. I honour your capacity and courage that supports you in whatever life holds for you. I know this courage and trust will see you through all that lies ahead.
I also know that sharing the most personal of life's journeys with someone you love is both a great gift and a great challenge. I only hope I will find the courage and willingness to face life and death directly when my time comes and that with good grace my partner will be there beside me, or me beside him, however it plays out. I send you so much love and wish you peace in knowing you did all any human being can do to demonstrate the willingness to love unconditionally and to be present with it's many forms.
with love,
Journal Entry Thirteen - December 24, 2007
by Derek
I'm sure I was born without the Christmas gene, but I hid this really well from my children when they were small. Over the years, though, my true self unfolded and I was no longer able to hide it. I'll be clear: I was no Scrooge, ranting about the frenzied shopping for expensive gifts; I just couldn't feel any passion for celebrating. Instead I chose the path of osmosis, vicariously experiencing the enthusiasm of friends and relatives. This came very evident when I first met Lin. She just loved this season and I could feel her deep excitement. She was never the giggly gushing extrovert, or the frantic stressed shopper on Christmas Eve; there was just this quiet passion that stirred inside her, starting somewhere around the second week of December.
On Christmas morning there was the tree, lit up and adorned with all of the ornaments she had acquired and treasured over the years. Our home was magically transformed with candles, elves, reindeer and lanterns and of course two bulging Christmas stockings. Lin always meticulously filled these,
never deviating from the formula of a mandarin orange in the toe, then tiny wrapped gifts of puzzles and key chains, and topping them off with candy canes hanging over the side. We always made that solemn promise that we wouldn't exchange presents, as we really felt we were both gifts in each other's lives. But without fail at the bottom of the tree were these very interesting and odd- shaped objects wrapped in the most amazing colours. We would laugh out loud at the little gifts Lin bought for herself and marked "from Hubby to Wifey". It was those moments that I would feel the joy of Christmas stir inside.
I have mentioned previously that I am trying to bring Lin into my everyday life, as the longing for the past seems so full of pain. I firmly believe Lin must be helping me with that, because I have been listening to those god-awful Christmas songs on the radio and actually enjoying them. I have even bought and wrapped some gifts; in fact I'm sure I heard Lin laughing at my valiant attempt at wrapping, as I covered one gift with three different types of paper, at least two rolls of tape and some very strange looking bows! For the first time in my life, I sent out a Christmas card - to an elderly aunt of Lin's in England whose cards always meant so much to Lin. I also discovered gifts for some very lucky people; Lin was always so great at thinking ahead, and she planned and picked these presents from her bed last spring before she passed on. To top all this off I will actually go to a midnight church service on Christmas Eve, and maybe even sing a carol or two.
It's true then; I can bring Lin into my present life - here she is in my presents! Here she is with me, laughing, smiling and enjoying the pretty lights and decorations, sharing the warmth of Christmas as she has done since she was a little child.
So this is from me... and Lin.
Merry Christmas. May Peace be around you, within you and throughout the holidays and the coming year.