You, to me, are the epitomy of kindness. No one will ever know why sickness happens to the most unlikely as it did to your soul mate Lin-but I do know that her years were prolonged and enriched with the love you shared. It makes loosing someone even harder when the love runs so deep. One step at a time Derek, our beloved peacewalker. That is what you do for others and now we are wanting that peace for you. It will take time. Your journey has been amazing and Lin will always be a huge part of it. This trip will start the healing. This time is for you. Sending you love and prayers for your journey.
I feel so honoured, blessed, and touched that you and Lin chose to share your journey with all of us. It meant more to me than I could possibly put into words. The deep love you felt for each other made this world a much better place, and will continue to do so even though Lin has passed away.
Dear Derek, I am so grateful for your and Lin's willingness to share your journey. It really does remind me that we are all innocent souls, we are all connected.
I also know that you are not one to avoid the moment, no matter what the content of that moment. I honour your capacity and courage that supports you in whatever life holds for you. I know this courage and trust will see you through all that lies ahead.
I also know that sharing the most personal of life's journeys with someone you love is both a great gift and a great challenge. I only hope I will find the courage and willingness to face life and death directly when my time comes and that with good grace my partner will be there beside me, or me beside him, however it plays out. I send you so much love and wish you peace in knowing you did all any human being can do to demonstrate the willingness to love unconditionally and to be present with it's many forms.
with love,
Journal Entry Eleven - August 25, 2007
by Derek
“Newspaper Mr. Youngs?.. another cup of coffee sir?... let me put your bag in the overhead for you Mr. Youngs." How delicious all these words sounded to me, although I must admit to being a little uncomfortable when the flight attendant opened the toilet door for me. There I was in this small plane, in the first class section in seat #1A, traveling down to California to sit on the proposal bench.
I stretched out my legs as far as they could go and my feet waved
delightfully in the air. I chuckled quietly inside knowing that all of
this was a gift from Lin; she had worked so hard in her life and had
accumulated a ton of Air Miles. And now this flight, the hotels and
the rental car were all being provided by her. I could feel her
smiling at all of the attention I was getting.
On my Peace Walks I have slept at the side of the road, in ditches, in barns and on porches. I have gone without food for days and even resorted to dumpster-diving for food. I remember calling Lin one day and her gently saying, "Oh Derek, why don’t you just treat yourself to a nice hotel and a meal! Don’t worry about the money; we'll find it." Today it felt like one of those days.
I arrived surprisingly refreshed from the flight and headed to the rental car agency. The attendant said, “I’m sorry Mr. Youngs, the economy car you ordered isn’t in, so we would like to upgrade you to a luxury car at no cost to you." I answered, “But I wanted an economy car.” He looked quite startled and explained I would have to wait for at least three hours for it to come in. Again I heard Lin whispering, “Oh for goodness sakes Derek enjoy it. This is OUR trip!”
I slept well that night in my big hotel, in my big room with my 5 big fluffy pillows.
August 26th 2007
I woke up at 6am, didn’t even wait for my caffeine fix, and headed north to Encinitas. There was hardly a car on the road. I lowered the windows to feel the warm breeze from the ocean and sang along with Yusuf (formerly known as Cat Stevens). I felt I was already riding the big wave I could see the surfers out there waiting for.
I arrived at the tall black iron gate of the SRF Ashram clutching a
butterfly bag with Lin’s ashes inside. On the gate was a large sign
saying “Open at 10am for visitors”. I grinned, knowing that I wasn’t
just a visitor, I was a pilgrim, and opened the gate. I could feel my
legs shaking inside as I climbed the steps heading straight to the
proposal bench. It was seven in the morning and already I could feel a
trickle of sweat running down my chest. There it was, a small stone
bench shaded by that old drooping rubber tree. I placed the butterfly
bag where Lin had sat, and closed my eyes.
“Breathing out I am emptying, breathing in I am releasing, breathing out I am giving, breathing in I am receiving “.
I was with Lin, I was home, and I was with God. Happy birthday Lin. What a way to celebrate our wedding anniversary.